servanthood

The mind-set of a servant is to focus on their tasks, what the master wants done. I need to have that kind of mind-set. What does God want me to do? Am i doing what is right in God's eyes? The mind-set of the world is to focus upon something material, hoarding wealth and pursuing temporary things. A servant focuses on ever-lasting things like God's favour. These mind-sets are totally different from each other.
I think God designed us to live as servants because we can be his hands and feet, we can help others the way Christ did, "I tell you the truth, whatever ever you did for the least of these my brothers of mine, you did for me" Matthew 25:40. Being a servant expresses your love for God. You don't earn your salvation by serving, that's called works. Serving also helps you to focus on others and not on yourself.
There are challenges that will come when your lifestyle changes to that of a servant's. These challenges could be giving up a dream or desire that you have had, it could mean giving your saturday to a bunch of rowdy five-year olds and it could be giving some of your finance weekly, or donating some possessions that you don't really need to a worthy organisation. These challenges can be met with a gracious -not grudging heart.
Some rewards can be received by your service. When i was volunteering with McKay Nursing Home, and with T.O.C.A.N. (Tamworth and Oxley Vale Community Activities Network), i often felt a feeling of satisfaction, of work completed, and feeling like i had made someone's day just with the little things. Some gratefulness was always bound to come my way (which i was all too happy to receive). God talks about a reward in heaven "When you give a feast, invite the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind. And you will be blessed, because they can-not repay you; for you shall be repaid at the resurrection of the just." Luke 14:13, 14.
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"Though a host encamp against me,
My heart will not fear;
Though war rise against me,
In spite of this, i shall be confident.
One thing i have asked from the LORD, that i shall seek:
That i may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days
of my life,
To behold the beauty of the LORD and to meditate in His temple."
NASB Psalm 27:3-4
I love this passage. It helps me to focus upon God in my darkest hours. I focus on his faithfulness and power to overcome any problem.

hypocrisy

living under a false assumption of virtue.

noticing the piece of dust in your friends eye and ignoring the piece of wood in yours.

hypocrites tend to close the door of salvation. You've heard the church being criticised for being hypocritical. People often use that excuse for not coming to Christ.

Doing good things, tithing or fasting but ignoring the best things. Justice, mercy and loyalty. Being just, merciful and loyal.

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I was
A tender reed
Bent in the wind
And then the storm passed
And you helped me stand upright again

Plumb -"Sink 'n' Swim"

forgiveness

I was thinking about forgiveness and i found there are levels of forgiveness. Each level differs in difficulty to forgive.

There's a physical loss, which depending on how much you value the item can be fairly easy or hard to forgive.

Then there's a loss of integrity due to lies and rumours. And yeah, that can hurt, depending on the depth of those lies and rumours they can also range from easy to hard to forgive.

And emotional loss, when you realise someone's been toying with your heart. That can also be hard. Very hard.

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I spent the day painting faces with Scripture Union for the Country Music Festival. It's a great way to connect with people you don't know well. One of these is my friend bec, she's an outrageous girl and for the past two years, her mum, bec and i have been painting. This year it's been awesome. Not only are we painting everything in sight, but having water fights on the side. We've earnt our titles, me, the australian flag girl, and bec, the pig girl. Mainly i paint flowers, butterflies and hearts. She paints spiderman and batman.

Yes. Fantastic day.

How can the words: "I think i love you" bring me to fall flat on my face begging God to answer my question?

Thankyou

Thankyou for your prayers, your shoulder and comfort. Thankyou for teaching me, for loving who i am and for your care. I appreciate being in your thoughts. I thank you for helping me to believe there are guys out there who aren't all bad. Thankyou for the random calls and text messages.

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It seems those who lie and cheat get ahead in life. They not only get away with it, but they can get rewarded for it too. Lately these abusive attacks in Tamworth have been on my mind and on my heart. My abuser stayed in the same prision as a escapee this week. So many incidents and heartbreak. I have to pray for them...we can't stop these things from happening, but we can give them to God and cry out to Him.

If you guys want an interesting quote, i found one: "We may see non-justice in God, which is mercy, but we never see injustice in God." R C SPROUL

random bits of mon.

I was flicking around my numerous journals looking for inspiration and i came up with this:

"I wanted to talk to you today
and realised you wouldn't listen to what i say
I cried last night for you
I wanted to tell you all the things i could do."

I don't have a date for that, but i assume it was the later part of last year.

Mon: If you had to write a paragraph about me what would you say?

Friend: I would start by saying you're too hard to describe with words but i'll try anyway.
youre a beautiful young lady with an awesomely huge heart filled with God and your son, you have a passion for Christ. i think i've summed it up keyword "SUMMED"
youre a little "out there" but that is mostly a good thing
oh you don't always think plans through before trying them out.

Friend 2: Tender, caring girl who is strong in her faith, beliefs, determination, and resolve. She is intelligent, loving, enthusiastic about her interests, and attractive. She seeks commitment and long-term loyalty in any potential suitor, which is a sign of maturity. She can be demanding and authoritative at times.

So there: two friend i regularly meet up with and chat for hours to.

So now you're wondering about my reference to lust. What happened there?

I'm not quite sure, but i can assume when it started. After being invited to my friend's 18th i had previously arranged with a friend that we'd talk together. Not knowing many people, i was glad to hang around this friend. He was ignoring me. So, i was feeling bummed out and lonely, and feeling there's only so much time you can spend with the birthday boy, i decided to leave early.

I was back online that last night with this certain friend, he could tell i was annoyed, so i decided to hide the fact and act cheery. I can't remember quite what i did, i just know that i kind of accepted his invitation to be his girlfriend. And i still have a friend's words ringing in my head: "Don't do anything you will regret". I woke up the next morning and my first immediate thought was: "Oh crap, what have i done?"

I knew i didn't really love him in that way, i guess i just liked flirting with him. (This is the point where everyone who knows me personally thinks: "Is this really mon?"). Maybe a handy boyfriend would be nice but, i'm not quite sure i need a relationship like that right now.

Needless to say, i ended the boyfriend relationship. No real hurt was done. He was thinking the same. After all, it would have hurt more if we kept going. We'll just see where Love leads us.

quiet and confident (disconnected thoughts)

We can be both quiet and confident. God would want this because it helps to demonstrate God's love to others. We can be seen as different (or as freaks) in the world. To the world success means everything. A dog-eat-dog world where people bring down others to get to the top. We're not called to do that.

We need righteousness to show God's love, to be an example of God's love. One of the ways we can do that by never giving up..."love never fails". Sometimes it's a little hard to determine love from lust. I know i have that problem because i experienced that last week. A relationship that went a little askew.

Lately i've been home alone, my family went on holidays without me. The main reason being that there is practically nowhere for accomodation of seven people fitting into one room, and being fiancially-minded, my dad refused to have two rooms. Never mind, this has been a learning experience.

Banter

I often wonder what it would have been like to see Jesus rise from the dead. Like Mary's experience, would i be certain that all hope was gone, and then discover that everything He said finally made sense, and that there really is hope after all? Of course i would have been scared, who isn't afraid of weird experiences?

But I'm not sure i could ever capture that deep sense of joy she must have had. From despair to absolute joy.

However.

I was listening to Rhema FM this evening, and Howard was talking about (hmm...can't remember the verse) and how it is a good idea to make a list of everything we want to do first thing, and present that list to God. I'm a timetable / routine kind of girl. I like to organise everything. (Most of you don't know that, but it is there). I like to set out my day. Most importantly i like the mail-lady to be on time. So i guess that piece of thought just appealed to me.

I believe

I believe:

#That because God designed me, only he can make me complete and my life full, but far too often I take what the world has to offer, hoping it can fill me. Even if it can never make me truely happy. I seek after so much material stuff that will only fade away in utter insignificance in comparison with God. (John 10:10)

#That God's plan is best and that He will bless those who are obedient to Him, but far too often i run ahead of His plans for me without consulting Him and ignore His lead. I tend to think that if i don't make things happen, they never will happen. Even if God has proved Himself right time and time again. (Psalm 1:1-3)

#That God has a deeper beauty for me, but far too often i know i seek shallow outer beuty too much. I think more about my outer beauty then i do of my inner beauty. I think more about what people see in my appearance than what they might find inside if they get to know me. Even if inner beauty is all that matters. (Proverbs 31:30)

I need to get fully into God's word and take the time to listen to Him, seek after His divine beauty and follow Him. I need to live out what i believe, because, actions speak louder than words. I need to focus more on Jesus than the current situation, but more importantly i think i need to talk to Him.

The difference

I was thinking today how void my my life would be without God's presence in it. If i had never known Christ, where would my life be, what would my values be and what would i do with my time? I realised how unfulfilled my life would be and how meaningless it could get. I thought about non-christian people i know. Their values, priorities and how it would feel to be in their shoes.

I have Switchfoot on at the moment and "Meant to live" comes to mind. "We were meant to live for so much more -have we lost ourselves?" People fill up all their time on so much junk it's not funny. How much time do we spend watching tv? Sure, a little doesn't hurt but we have to think of subliminal messages transmitted into our brains too. Are we wasting all our minutes (which turn into hours)?

Fowler's theory of spiritual development states that for 14-19 years there's a "individuating-reflexive faith. It's like a crossroads. Either the youth will continue with their 'copied' faith or make individual choices. If the person chooses to make their own choices, their faith will begin to develop. From 20-32, (which is the Paradoxical-consolidative faith) Fowler says this is the stage people live out their faith, belief and commitment while respecting other beliefs.

Tell me guys, is that an acurate description of most Christian youths today? What about all youths? And how does the spiralling suicide rate fit in?

Do you notice me?

Isaiah 40:31
31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Philippians 2:15
15so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe

Matthew 6:33
33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

God has a tremendous effect on our lives. I have a poster with Isaiah 40:31 on it. It was helpful last year because it helped me get up in the morning just by staring at it. It's become a favourite verse.He provides us with what we need, strength, desires... And restoration. Every now and again we desperately need restoration.

I want to 'shine like the stars in the universe' Often i look at the stars in the night sky and stand in awe of God's creation. And i want to show some of that awesome stuff, and maybe i do. But New years i was star gazing again with my friend discussing whether a certain constellation was a frying pan or a saucepan. I want to show who i am (a child of God).

Why do i want people to notice me? Is it for mine, or God's glory? That is a deep question. It is mixed with me, i can't deny that sometimes i do like to gain approval and admiration. <- big confession for mon. She's been trying to deny that to herself for a couple of weeks. I guess it depends what we want to be noticed for.

I want to be known for who i am. I want to be known as a "God girl" but also as a normal person. Which was another thing my friend and i were chatting about last night. Some school friends believe you can't believe you can be a Christian and a computer geek at the same time. So we're known as freaks (i had a school shirt with "freak" wirtten on it too).

Also I have been told that once we seek God and put him first in our lives, God fulfills our desires. But when we go through that process, our desires change. What are your thoughts on this verse above ^? When we look to him, our focus is tuned into him, and so we desire what he desires?

God's court of law

1 John 1:9
9If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

John 3:16
16"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Romans 3:10
10As it is written: "There is no one righteous, not even one;

God views our sin as a gap between our relationship with him. Because He loved us so much, he bridged that gap by condemning His only son. That would have hurt so much. I'm pretty sure i wouldn't give Mikey to anyone to kill. Nup, i would've have said "Stuff you all -I'm not giving up my son!

As I understand it, God forgives our sins completely. Last night, sitting at 'the lookout' with my friend, we were discussing relationships. He brought up how we often dredge up the past in arguments, and how, in a court of law, it would be dismissed as not being evidence because it's already been mentioned. It's like that with God.

Psalm 103:12
12 as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

If we look at the compass we can see east is directly opposite west. If we keep travelling east, we will never meet 'west'. It's like how parallel lines never meet. Audio Adrenaline in 'Ocean Floor' say:
"Your sins are forgotten/ They're on the bottom/ Of the ocean floor/ My misdeeds/ All my greed/ All the things that haunt me now/ They're not a pretty site to see/ But they're wiped away/ By a mighty, mighty wave."

I love it how kids come up to you, and shout: "I love you this much!" and you see a pair of arms fly straight out and changes into a quick hug. My friend says: "Jesus said I loved you this much, spread his arms and died". You often hear "I can believe you can i say that you love me, but prove that you love me". Well, God's proof is the cross.

I think about all the wrong things i've done and i need to be reminded of God's forgiveness often. It's easy to just hide the pain and regret and try to stuff it away in the "reasons i suck" box. It takes me a lot of courage to come to God and apologise. It probably shouldn't be that way, one of the things i must work on.

I need to believe that i have been "purified by all unrighteousness". That is hard. I see the consequences of my sin and hide from God. Like Eve. I quickly become bonded to that sin. And how can i hide from God...? dark is light to him. Nothing is hidden from him, least of all, my sins. Oh but His love is so refreshing!

Support groups come in handy. Yes, i have one. Some of you who read this blog are in it. Maybe you know you are, maybe you don't but i appreciate your support anyway. Nothing like a good chat to sort things out. I just need to rely on God for answers more than people, that's a bit of a problem for me.

Coming to God and apologising to him is a little like admitting you cheated on a test to a teacher. (Not that i have been in that situation, but i would find it rather humiliating). It's exposure. Transparency. A dark side. But unlike most teachers who like to make your life hell-on-earth (i've had a few), God reaches out.

01/01/06

What did i do last night?

My original plans were to go out to a street party at Kootingal (15 min out of tamworth), come home at about 10pm and go to bed early.

I climbed into bed at 2am.

I arrived with family friends in Kootingal at 7, and i was already exhausted. I think at that point everything that happened that year had caught up with me.
I got bored just sitting there, so i rang a friend to see if he'd like to come out. I was deciding to have a drink at the pub too...after realising my friend still had about 6 days til he was eighteen, i decided against that idea.
He came at around 9:30. We decided the party was a little too loud, and i really needed to talk. So we walked back to the car and got lost driving around kootingal. After many dead ends he decided to go back the way he came. Noticing he was very tired, i told him the minute he didn't feel like driving he could pull over and rest. My friend insisted he was fine. He soon found himself driving to the lookout. The lookout is one of my favourite places. There is a cross on the side of the mountain that lights up at night. I've always wanted to sit at the foot of it but i don't like the idea was sitting on broken glass.
We talked about everything. From relationships and God to doors and electricity. Yes, that is me. From the hours of 10pm- 2am i can talk to anybody non-stop about anything. Outside of those hours, you're lucky to get me to utter a word.
We drove around again and stopped at paradise. Nice river there, there was a beautiful sound like a waterfall, but from my memory there is none. While we were talking i noticed a light by the river. I thought it was a reflection of a streetlight, but it was so odd. It was then i realised it was someone fishing. (only because my friend mentioned that). By this time i couldn't put up with my thumping headache (which i had for about 3 hrs). I started yawning terribly and decided if i talked for much longer, i'd give a big yawn and lock my jaw. It's happened before. 7 hours of an open mouth and a hospital visit resulted.

A different New Years than previous years. on the eve of 05, i was in Brisbane sick in bed with a friend tending me. The year before: i was babysitting. Nice change. I think perhaps the best i've had.