Secret Place

I've always loved this song by Rachel Lampa, it usually comes on the radio at just the right time.

You are my father
I am your child
will you hold me in your arms
just a little while
and let me know
how much you care for me
there's no other place in this world
I would rather be
and when I fall down
on my knees and pray
my heart is captured
when I hear you say

CHORUS:
come with me my child to the secret place
I love you, I love you, I love you,
come and find your rest in the secret place
I love you, I love you, I love you,

every where I turn
every thing I see
reminds me of the joy that you bring to me
and I............
I need you so dont let me go
touch me with your healing hand
tell me that you understand
and when I falter
when I lose my way
you shine your light on me
and I hear you say

CHORUS:
come with me my child to a secret place
I love you, I love you, I love you.......
come with me my child to a secret place
I love you, I love you, I love you.......

and when I fall down on my knees and pray
my hear is captured when I hear you sayy

come with me come with me come come come with
me now

just a little while

come with me come with me come come come with
me now

come with me my child to a secret place

CHORUS...
come with me my child to a secret place...

I need feedback...

Last night i went to bed earlier than usual and woke up at 4:30 am, and I had some idea. I don't know if it'll make any sense as i don't normally have coherent thought when i'm half asleep, but here goes:

I want to help teens, and this morning i thought of signing up at some sort of organisation that did counselling via the internet (it seemed a good way to reach teens because so many have access to the internet). But am I old enough? Am I spiritually mature enough? (is there ever a time you are spiritually mature?) What do you guys think?

My aunt

"The thing that really stood out to me was what a beautiful mother Zoe was. She was always thinking of ways to make life interesting, fun and safe for her boys. She prayed about every decision that had to be made on their behalf. The prayers your mother invested in you and all the good things she taught you are like seeds that continue to grow and bear fruit your whole life through". -Linda Cameron (School Religious Education teacher with Zoe).

"Despite all the hardship in her life, Zoe never once forgot her two sons and loved them 24 hours per day. If she could not provide the direct care she always ensured the boys were getting the love and guidance she had strictly specified for them. The boys have a legacy of Zoe's guidance to last a lifetime". - Charles Domjahn (husband).

This was my aunt.

Based on Isaiah 49

Everybody listen up!
God has a purpose for me even before i was born. While my mum was pregnant, God knew what he wanted to do, he let me talk, and kept me safe.
He shaped me so i would be what he wanted me to be. He told me he was going to use me, but i felt i couldn't be used, i felt broken, but God knows my worth.
God made me to serve him, to help and encourage others and he helps me. He says i'm important because i can serve him, but more importantly he made me a light to show people his love.
God saves, he chooses people and his people will not be let down.
God says he will hear your prayers, he will help and protect you to do what you've been called to do.

(22/5)

Adapting to change

If there's one thing i've noticed about the life i have led thus far, it's that change is inevitable, freaky and often the hardest thing to do.

When i'm staring my situation in the face, it frequently occurs to me that my life won't be the same. I've walked into a cave, hesitated, and found that i can not turn back. I've also discovered this cave is actually a tunnel. I walk through this tunnel and i can see evidence of a person walking through this tunnel before i have, no skeletons or rotting flesh, just footprints. The footprints show me where to go.

I have a lot to change, not only do i have this tiny form to mould as such, but i have this child for his life. (and you can't tell me that that's not one of the freakiest things a teen can hear!)

I like challenges, and i like change (sometimes). I'm not afraid as such, this is such an awesome opportunity, i'm just overwhelmed that my life has been changed to a somewhat selfish teen to ...a mother? I look at the palms of my hands and i can visualise being a mother, holding the precious joy. I can view my situation in two ways: one, as a negative thing two, as a positive thing, i lean towards the latter. Truely, God's way is best.

Keep the candle burning

I can't wait to see you,
To look in your eyes for the first time
I can't wait to touch you,
To feel your beautiful fingers in mine.
I can't wait to know you,
To appreciate your deep personality that God has created.

God gave me the most precious gift,
He gave me you.
He gave me a friend, a hero, a son.
What can I ever give him in return?

The hope and future God has always promised
Has dawned, the new morning, a new sunrise.
The strength He has promised, He has given,
So I can rise, ascend like a powerful eagle.

Everytime i have fallen to the ground,
He has picked me up, I fell right back in His arms.
When i'm not strong enough, He is mighty,
and He gave me you, a token of my relationship with Him.

Keep the candle burning, when all goes wrong,
He is always there when darkness clouds your view.
Keep the candle burning, He will see you through.

(poem i wrote earlier tonight).

Pure

One of the things i have really struggled with since the abuse was that i didn't feel i was pure and therefore it seems like i can't come to God. It feels like i am so tainted and dirty that to come to God would totally shame him and he'd turn away. I know he'd never turn away from his precious child, one he definitely did not want to lose.

I also know that the real dirt and contamination came from the one that abused me.

I can see Jesus reaching out to me, and crying out to me, and yet i refuse his touch... his touch of deep healing and refreshment. I can see how much he wants me to come to him, and yet, i refuse to because of my shame. I can see him cry and i know he wants me to come to him, and yet i refuse to because i feel that i can never be the daughter he wants me to be.

I can see Jesus touching my heart, telling me that even in my shame and the dirtiness i feel, i can come to him, come to him to make me whole again. I can see Jesus hugging me, telling me i don't have to be strong...that i need to lean on him. I can see Jesus crying with me, showing me that when everything has crumbled, and i see there's no hope, that he is THE hope. That he is THE love i 've been seeking, the light i've been missing in my soul.

And that is where he picks me up and tightly hugs me. He tells me again, and again that he loves me as his precious child and that he would never hurt me, that this was to bring about some purpose in my life. He tells me once again that he loves me and this time i can not but help to believe it because he is the hope in my life.

Congratulations on your imminent parenthood...

For mother's day my mother decided to buy me a locket necklace (complete with "mum" engraved on it). Which brought me to the question: "am i a teen, (18 at last) or am i a woman?". I decided i was neither as i thought i couldn't be defined. Since all this i've felt that i don't belong to any group at all, i'm uniquely individual (although there's got to be some other people in my position).

From Anna...

This is from my friend's last journal entry before she was killed in a road accident this week:

"I have a strong dream. I dream of having a band, a youth Christian band. I'll play guitar and sing. Lots of people will come and maybe some will even become Christians.

Everyone seems to find it so easy to form a band but i have no one to start one with.

I can picture myself on stage singing God's word.

I believe God has given me a gift with music. I teach myself guitar but i think i need some lessons. I'll get some from a friend (James or Jim).

I pray to God sometime soon He'll bring along someone to start a band with and when i say this it brings tears to my eyes, but it's just a band i'm talking about but it means a lot more to me, maybe God has a plan to use me in this band.

When i listen to music i feel God's presence, especially with loud drums, they sound like the gates of heaven opening. And if i want to write a letter to someone, i just listen to music and the words come, it's like God's giving me them.

I believe Jesus has given me this dream, goal or longing for a reason, i just can't wait until it happens.

You know what i thought! I think i'd love to go to poor places where the homeless are and play our music (band) there and give them what they need; love, kindness, fun and care. And i want to call our band "WAKE UP"!

I'll tell you a secret, Bethany, Angie and i call ourselves the "U.C.K's" guess what that means? We have never told anyone except that i told Miriam. At first it was "Un Cool Kids" But come on, I decided i hated that 'cos God don't make uncool kids, so i changed it to "UNIQUE. CHRISTIAN. KIDS".

So when i'm in heaven, whoever reads this ask yourself the simple question, "Am i a U.C.K?".

In the Storm

When life whirls
Rattles
Bumps
and
Roars,

GOD IS

Peace
Calm
and
Hope
In the eye of the storm.

Judy Gordon

(hang in there!)

Renewed life

"For i know the plans i have for you, declares the Lord,plans to prosper you and not to hurt you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11.

Healing is not about the absence of pain. It's about diving into deeper stages of life, more about pain fitting into your life rather than letting it remain in control and in the way. The healing God's given me is amazing. He's given me peace, joy and understanding that i never thought was possible. Each new day is now a gift from God.

I honestly don't know what kind of person i would have been today if i had not been abused. I'm pretty sure i have grown spiritually because of my past. God has always been there for me.

This little girl was not only free but she was supported and drawn by the tears and hands of love held out to her.

God reaches down to the hurt and takes hold of His child with never ending love and compassion. He has his own healing programme to suit His child and gathers all the tears of pain and with compassion and love, turns them into pure drops of gold.