Where does God fit in?

I've often wondered why this happened to me and have always thought "what if..". I can ask where God was in all of this but i know the answer. My response is the awesome God who created everything, including me, loves everyone so much (including me), that he grieves everytime one of his precious children are hurt.

The best news is that God sees everything, and cares. I know he cares because he sent Jesus, his only son, to live, die and rise again for us. What other greater proof do we have?! I'm usually impatient and want God's healing NOW! But God usually heals by dealing with problems by layers, and because he created me, he knows what's best.

Painful experiences can be transformed. Although the experience can feel overwhelming, it's important to know there is hope. Hope can grow through knowing there is a God who cares and who wants to (and can) help. The fact that Jesus experienced life on earth as a human shows that everyone is of infinite worth in God's eyes.

When i admitted that i could not cope with the consequences of the abuse, and asked for God's help i came to a God who was ready, willing and able to come into my life, bringing freedom and release.

Friends...

God never ceases to amaze me with my friends. I mean throughout my life i've had friends just walk out on me, even through this trial, but i've had the most awesomest of friends too. I totally love my friends they are great people to have in my life. God's provided this most awesome support which i am ever thankful for.

Recently i recieved an email from a teacher, (who also is my frog leader), which opened with "You poor, dear sister..." that meant so much to me. Also, there was a children's talk at church on sunday and the question was: What makes life bearable? The answer? Friends. That is so true.

I guess the best i can do to encourage you guys is for me to tell you to accept help from others, their support, comfort... Churches are great :) the friends you make there are awesome, but the best friend you can have in your life is definitely Jesus, he's so awesome, unpredictable, wacky and he gives great hugs.

Little girl, little girl...

Pregnancy is such an interesting state, people can fear it, and enjoy it at the same time. I can safely guarantee this is one of the scariest times i've been through and yet to go through, and i can also guarantee myself that all this will be worth it. I always say to myself, "how can this be, i'm so young and i have plans for myself..." and God will reply "I'm always with you, it'll be hard but we'll get through it".

Okay, i'm still a teenager, i have feelings for guys, and i just wish there was someone who just loved me so much and didn't care what people thought of him. But the guys who know this act pretty weird about it. They either casually mention it, or just ignore the issue altogether. I'd love a guy to hold me and protect me through this all. I'm feeling that this won't happen yet, as God wants me to concentrate on me and Him. I type this and look back over the words on the screen, and this perfect guy seems to be God.

I was looking through my journals last night and just looking over how much i've changed from being so self-absorbed to looking to God and just seeking him. We're talking about a period over about 2 or 3 years. It's great to see how God has worked through my life and has shown himself to me. No matter how hopeless of a person i am, God still loves me and is still working in me. So this little girl staring out upon a vast battlefield is taking up her sword.

There's hope you can trust

I never thought that i'd end up in the place where i am today. It seems too far from my youth and yet i have a long time til i reach my maturity. In a matter of about two or three weeks i'll be eighteen and i never thought the day would come, but now i'm beginning to realise how afraid i am of the coming weeks months and even years. Being a young single mother won't be easy and my child won't be put in the best advantage, without a stable father.

Many may view my position as hopeless, an abused pregnant teen, but i'm looking at it from a viewpoint that it's just another spiritual challenge God is going to help me through. I do have a hope, a hope that is founded on God, and though i'm weak, He is strong.

Yes, it hurts, there's a deep throbbing in my heart that in time, God will heal.

Lately i've been reading a book focused on the first 9 chapters of proverbs. "Wisdom from Above" by Leroy Eims. Wisdom appeals to me, many of my friends have it and i just like to soak in it. It's been an interesting book so far. Most of my devotionals seem so trivial now. Devoted to Christian teens who never had much happen in their lives. I guess i'm longing more for God.

One of the most refreshing experiences is when a friend is able to tell you "that happened to me, and i survived". I guess that's why i want to reach out to hurting people. I mean i've always wanted to help people but maybe now i want to help them more specifically.

God has so much planned for me and my baby, a whole new adventure to set out upon. It's just like "The Dawntreader" by CS Lewis but with a more personal outlook. So this is like a new journey, beauty from pain, something to look forward to with great excitement.