confessions of the mon

Yet despite all these good changes, i have been through a fair bit of hardship. I started this awhile ago, but i decided to finish it now.

My Dad was a member of a certain church for over 20 years, and when this whole situation happened things turned slightly sour. Of course, we weren't necessarily 'in' with the church, but we did make an effort to turn up. The minister strongly suggested that we adopt the babies (mine and my sisters) out. We could see where he was coming from. He did adopt a child himself. But mikey was mine. My parents agreed it was my decision and the minister suggested enforcing adoption. Thus creating a riff between us and the church. Since then we feel totally excommunicated from this church. We joke about "if they see us, they might turn blind" -but the hurts still there.

I've always been a competitive person. My sister and i have always competed. We're two different people, yet we can't get over the fact that we've each got strong points. For example, I've always won over my sister with the "best girl" trophies from Girls' Brigade, and she's won trophies from the eisteddfords. Recently she won an award at school. Once a week a student from each year gets a chocolate, a top deck. Within 3 weeks of school she receives one. Something i never accomplished in one and half years. My sisters also awesome with computer games. Something i am not. So that's something i'm struggling with.

I guess nothing much has changed though. I still have the same dark secrets, the same broken relationships, and the same heartbreaks. By no means do i want this to be some sad post. I'm just trying to balance the good with the bad, leak out some 'monness' for you to get a real picture of who i am. Virtually impossible online, but, i'm trying to be a little more realistic.